Friday, March 23, 2012

Sad but true

I almost forgot how its like to be happy, genuinely happy. At my best, I was living beyond plain existence. What I am was less important to what I was doing.

 But now, as I stare at the mirror, I couldn't recognise myself, who that person is. What am I becoming? What am I now? What was I before? Felt something was lost in between.

 As if my tears knew the perfect cue,  it rushed down like water from a dam. I've been holding back for so damn long.

I am wrong. Honesty's not gentle-- its brutal.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Rafa, I believe in you!

Rafa being Rafa

I am feeling sick in my stomach. Seriously constipated. Is this really how you're supposed to feel when your favourite tennis player reach a Grand Slam Final? 

My heart and mind is battling over another Rafole showdown in this Australian Open 2012 Men's Final. Who'll win? Heart says Rafa and logic says the Djoker.  And why do I care so much over two men blasting a ball inside the lines of a rectangular box??  (that's another heart-to-heart conversation) 

Well, no one is betting against the Djoker and I see why-- he's not in human form ( too good, like the computer I'm against when I play Top Spin 4), doesn't get tired and even if he's tired-- he can still win (!!!!)  His desperate shot making is undeniable. But where does that confidence and grit come from? ( Want to know my wildest guess? I think he sold his soul to the devil lol)

I witnessed how this Djoker crushed Rafa for 6 consecutive times in the finals last season. And as a new Rafa fan at that time- it was hell of an initiation! With every loss to this one robot man, I felt the pain is getting harder for me to bear. The pain, I must admit, multiplied with every loss from the Djoker. So will it be 7 times greater after tonight? 

No matter what happens, I know I'd still be rooting for Rafa. My heart tells so. He always makes me feel that I am part of his battles: The fist-pumping for a hard fought winner, the I'm-not-letting-go-every-ball  attitude and all those dying-on-court moments-- always strike me in awe every time I watch him. As a spectator, all  I want to is be moved, be surprised, to believe in the impossible. When Rafa channels his inner Houdini, any thriller movie will lame in comparison.

Rafa constantly reminds me that hard work triumphs over natural talent: stars are made not born. He fought all adversity and prove them all wrong. He's not just a clay courter but learned to dominate other surfaces too. But tonight, more than anything, I hope that he'll carry on the belief  (the last potent ingredient to victor the Djoker) that he can achieve the seemingly impossibly task. He's too good of a fighter and a player not to win this. Rafa knows what to do, for sure ( Tio Toni to the rescue!), but the question is, can he overcome his nerves and nail it on break point or match point? 

Courage, my dear Rafa, courage! 

And so with all bravery (wearing my lucky green and blue combo I wore on his semis match), I shall watch the finals tonight, because I believe in Rafa.  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Dear Future Me

I have just received an email from myself.  But no, it’s not one of those times when you forward an email to your inbox to save yourself a copy, and neither one of those control freak habits of checking how your email is going to look like to the one you're sending to and so you send it to yourself first. 

Two years ago I found a website called which allows you to send an email to yourself anytime in the future.  I find the idea interesting because it makes you think about what you want to tell yourself 5 or 10 years from now in the second person point of view:

“Hi Kat, how’s your vacation in Europe going? Probably you’re having a romantic getaway with your hubby on your first year anniversary!” 

Fun right? It’s like practising your fortune telling powers on yourself. But if these self prophesies do not happen and you receive an email from your past self to affirm such inaccuracies or overestimations, then I don't think it will be that fun anymore. Instead it might turn out to be funny because you like a fool with this reply:

 “Haha what anniversary are you talking about?!  Ugh you mean my mum and dad's anniversary?”  

So today, I received this email I have made on 16th of November 2009.  Yes, two long years and now here it is!! I was quite scared on the sight of it because aside from forgetting that the day shall come for me to read it- I know it's going to burst my bubble.

So what did my 23 year old self two years ago told 25 year old self now?  

I think I was congratulating myself in advance for having a stable life, and in my own terms that simply means being financially independent above anything else. Just like how any Taurean defines security. 

I knew for sure is that aside from being an insomniac nothing really changed about me or the things I wanted in life. I still want to be 'Carrie Bradshaw-esque' fabulous, rich, successful and all that jazz.  I know I won't be surprised on what I'll read from my past self, I was rather scared because I know have let myself down again. 

How will I explain to my past self that things didn't work out exactly the way she wanted it?

They say that the future is always promising because it gives us hope- that things will get better than they are now. But sometimes that’s not always the case because things could always get worse. Disappointed on how I did not live up to the expectations of my past self, I pondered instead.. what would my future self tell to my present self?

And I was surprised to realise that nothing was ever lost- that all those tears, struggles and heartaches might be useful one day and become a foundation for something greater. I'm not sure but I think I heard the future me whisper: "Put on a smile. The game is not yet over." 


Saturday, April 23, 2011

What happens when you turn 25?

Gee, I'm just a few hours away from officially hitting twenty five. Technically I am already right now, but not really yet- because the morning hasn't cracked and I was born at 10 in the evening  ;-) 

Anyway, this day is not just any lavish excuse to throw a wild birthday party one last time- bidding goodbye to a couldn't-care-less attitude we had in my 20's. Neither is it a ticking time bomb before our youthful glow vanishes; nor a much feared reminder to start ticking items in our bucket list before reaching 30. But why fear when this is actually a point when great transformations are primed to happen. 


Twenty five is the age of reason where the mind is fully developed to make rational decisions, however, it doesn't make it any easier for us to choose which path to take, as errors in this point will not be as easy to correct as it was 5 years ago.

Maybe going back to school as a 20 year old kid was a decision you would take without even thinking as time is in your hands to exploit, but add another 5 years to the equation and at 25, that option may not exactly be a gamble worth the jackpot. Or say would you stay in a lousy relationship with a person you see no future with? At 20, hope can keep that relationship alive but come 25, the only option is to find more an investment that will provide a better return.

I believe reaching 25 is one of those pivotal moments in our life where we cannot help but reassess how life has been in the past quarter of a century. There comes an expectation for us to fit into the norm. So what would a 25 year old person be committed to at this day and time? We don't want to veer away from 'normalcy' and try to live up to our own and most especially to our family and peer's expectations.

It's the rising point leading to climax at a story plot. Reaching 25 would make you pause, and wonder whether or not the path you are standing at this moment is the still the same direction you want to see yourself 5- 10 years from now.  The more we get older it seems that time is becoming a scarcity and that quality transcends quantity.  


10 years ago I couldn't wait to grow up and be one of those adults who ruled the world. I wanted to be a woman of power and become rich, beautiful and successful. Thinking about it now, I realise that it was nothing but a safe aspiration. Yes I had the vision, which is better than having nothing at all, but I had no exact plan for execution.

In my mind, I was driven enough to pursue anything that will come my way, but there was one thing I missed. I was not courageous enough to put into concrete terms what that ‘anything’ is supposed to mean. “Lawyer”, “Accountant”, “Entrepreneur”, “Journalist”, “Dancer” and “Actor” would have filled the blanks and I would have arrive at the same end point of success. 

 Letting Go

I feel as if in a few hours I will be given a life sentence to a prison they call 'real life'-where an attempt to escape is seen as a mortal sin rather than an act of jest and a moment to breathe. So no more games for me? Not entirely, but it probably means playing with calculated risk this time around because the stakes are higher.

I don't want to be the girl who refuses to grow up but I still do want to visit Neverland from time to time. We sometimes have that love-hate relationship with children because they are animated creatures who happened to be brats- but the thing I love most about them (that I want to stay with me) is their sense of wonder!  And with the good comes the bad, thus being mature means letting go of being childish about life: throwing tantrums and non-stop whining!

The next 25 years will be the most productive years ahead of me and I doubt that this is the last time I'll be having such a mid-life crisis. Twenty five is just the beginning of this roll- it's the time when career, family, self discovery and everything else will reach its fullest potential, so the best way to deal with it is to just live and let go!  

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Something you don't hear everyday from your dentist

Sometimes the most important lessons in life do not come from the ‘life experts’ or gurus we all run after to seek advice.  The answers we long to find does not necessarily need to be found elsewhere,  you may already know it but you just need someone to remind it for you.  

I realised this might be true- a week ago when I was in my least philosophic moment- how could you be when you are about to anticipate pain in one of your most sensitive areas. My mind was busy, rather in panic mode as I was trying to calm down my nerves.  I was a few moments away from a tooth extraction.

The least thing my dentist could do was to assure me it’s gonna be alright- and so she did a cleaning first before taking out one of my precious whites. Before the procedure, I asked her if she could straighten my left front tooth but she said I need braces for that. 

With a smile, I said that I was just referring to straightening the edge of the tooth (not the whole tooth itself). And so she did with drilling machine, then handed to me a mirror so I can check it out. I tried to conceal my blah expression but she read it right away- because I really didn't notice any  difference.

But she explained that going further ‘to correct it’ will cause more unevenness. (True, why fix it if it ain’t broken?) And then the unexpected I heard, coming from a professional more likely trained to criticise and look for something to fix - she said: It doesn't have to be perfect because that shows character- that's what makes you unique.

All this time I've been running away from something I shouldn't really be afraid of- from being flawed downright to a self made agony of a painless tooth extraction. Oh well... Life really has a way of giving you an assuring pat on the shoulder when you least expect it. :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Manduka Black Mat Pro: A beginners review

Almost a month ago I most certainly didn't have the slightest idea what in the world is a Manduka Black Mat Pro!  But since I started doing yoga and have had many bruises, joint pains and the daunting experience of sticking my face on our dusty floor, I decided for myself that I need a firm, sticky and durable cushion for practice once and for all. 

I am just the typical beginner who gets real excited about a new interest. I don't normally splurge right away because I might find myself starting another hobby in a few months time. 

But the more I have spent time stretching my limbs and reaching my toes on the floor (while hearing my body cry out for help to stop doing the unthinkable)- the more I felt a stronger connection to my mind, body and spirit that I want to explore what more I can do. 

Love at first sight, looks exactly as advertised. 



So when other people have asked me why I am willing to spend a hundred dollars on a yoga mat- I simply said its a good investment. Why? The Manduka Black Mat Pro has a lifetime warranty and according to owners it can last for years and years which I find practical as I cannot afford to buy a new yoga mat every 3 months. 

It is what is says it is

This is my first yoga mat and even if I cannot make a direct comparison from other models or brands, I can say that based on the yoga mats I have held when I was shopping for yoga mats, I can say that the quality of the Black Mat Pro is by far superb than those sold in the retail shops. It definitely has a league of its own. 

Almost the same width as the foot of my bed. 

I've been using it for a week and so far so good! I feel comfortable and secure. I have never seriously slipped because it is sticky enough. It doesn't move and has a good traction on the carpet when I jump from one corner to another. 

Of course no yoga mat is designed to be perfect! But perhaps the Manduka Black Mat Pro is as close as perfect can be. 


The smell

When I was reading the customer reviews about the Manduka Black Pro, the most complained aspect about it was the strong PVC- rubbery smell. Yes, this is true  especially on the first few days. 

Straight from the box, unwrapping it was the best feeling!

When I was working on the computer all day, all windows closed, the smell coming from the mat made me quite dizzy that I had to open the windows to escape from its empowering smell. 

But after a week the smell is not as strong as it was, that I can be with it in same room with little ventilation. Of course if I stick my nose on the mat I can smell the rubber but aside from that its very tolerable.


Its actually not as heavy as I thought it was. I can carry it around with ease it's just that I find it hard to find a normal bag that can contain it and to solve this problem I think I need to buy a customised carrying bag for it. I don't really mind about the weight because it's good for toning the arms. 

Black gives it a slick surface. Lays flat on the floor.

Final say: Stamp of approval! 

The pros outweigh the cons a million times so its really worth the pricey tag. 

You might find this quite over the top if you are just a beginner who doesn't really do the vigorous movements on a regular basis, but in the long run as your movements become intermediate you might need a sturdy mat for support in case you fall and a cushion to keep your knees or hands from maintaining a pose.  

If you are really serious about integrating yoga in your lifestyle then by all means save for a Manduka Black Mat Pro. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Illusion of Happily Ever After

 If I am living according to the way I planned it perhaps a few years from now I most certainly be walking down the aisle on a lush green garden on the side of a cliff, wearing a Monique Lhuillier custom made creation, with Mr. Funny-Hella Gorgeous-Smart-With-Abs-Groom waiting for me on the altar.

That sure sound pretty ambitious, and it really is! And now as I put my feet on the ground, I can feel reality speak through the roughness of the my bedroom carpet. Being grounded, its easier to realise that I am not a character in a fairy tale book where I can just sing by the well like Snow White or sleep in the woods like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), in order to get LOVE's ultimate kiss and awake in forever bliss. 

The thought of happy endings or happily-ever-after, though shallow, made me bear life's problems easier to swallow.

Even if I know that happy endings are more of a metaphor- something that was made up for us grown ups to have an escape, and a creative way as well to protect children about life's uncertainty, I still need a dose of a happy ending or an it-will-all-work out-in-the-end mentality to make through a horrible day. 

Happy Ever After? 

.....If your life was a race, and reaching the finish line first guarantees you a million dollars, can you say that you can live happily-ever-after when you win? 

....If you just graduated from the university- can you slack off since you got honours anyway?

.....When you reach your ideal weight at the end of the year- can you celebrate by eating carelessly and not care on what happens the new year?

I like to think that happy endings, if you put it in a proper perspective, is not really a one-time-big time moment depicted in the movies where someone survives a bloody gun shot, gets married, wins a competition, catches the criminal, kills the villain and save the plane from crashing.

These dramatic moments in our lives defines a part of who we are but it does not entirely make who we are. Its the same reason for believing that when you get what you want: the car, the house, the job, the partner- life does not stop from there because you gotta pay the bills, mortgage, suck up to your boss and do your share of the house chores.   

Is it a destination?
Happiness is a state of mind. 

The switch is in your hands to either turn it on or off, but its not toying with your emotions and forcing yourself to be jolly right after being robbed, but rather seeing the whole picture, looking for something else to be grateful about like the fact that you are alive- which is way better than being penniless!  

Do not rely on the promise of a happy ending when you can be happy right now. 

When you treasure little joyful moments, like the way your dog excitedly greets you at home after a long day's work, you will earn a bucketful (thousands) of reasons that you can throw at yourself when you're having a bad day.

 If you set your bar of happiness so high and prep yourself to a mission impossible- that you will only be happy upon reaching perfection- I doubt that you will ever be truly happy. Happily-ever-after becomes true to those set achievable goals on a daily basis, those who find pleasure in small improvements and those who appreciate the freedom that life brings.

 If you always live in the moment and grateful that you can still open your eyes in the morning and know that you have another chance to correct yesterday's mistakes, then you can be rest assured of your own happily-ever-after. . .

Monday, March 14, 2011

Losing Weight.. Again!

I must.. I must.. 
I really must lose weight. And I decided that I really must do something about it after people started teasing me on facebook and right in front my face. I only happen to figure it out by myself (that I was getting thick) when I was trying on my favourite pair of jeans and I could no longer fit in them! 

Four years ago I have successfully lost weight because of vanity's sake. But now, I already have a real motivation to lose weight because it is affecting the quality of my life and happiness. I have gained around 12 lbs or 5 kilos in the course of just 2 years!

I am still not overweight but with some more pounds added I feel sluggish and less confident. This alarming realisation made me dissect on the kind of lifestyle that I have and found out I have become lazy as a cow and turned to food when I was lonely instead of being proactive.

Extreme measures leads to extreme consequences

In the past, I have tried a lot of diet tricks and tactics like exercising till I drop to the floor, drinking diet teas that painfully empties my stomach to surviving through a "no-white-stuff' or no-bad-carbs-diet. 

Unfortunately, I ended up feeling MORE miserable and starved. I felt that losing 6 lbs back then was not worth-it because I was not living the life that I wanted! Since my diet back then restricted me not to eat my favourite foods, like pasta and pastries, I became more cranky and moody. The carb restricted left me lifeless, and the only energy I had left is used for working out which leaves me lowbatt for more important things. 

A healthy diet must always include carbohydrates so you can have the energy to move around. Eradicating it totally will do more harm than good. Yes you may become thin quickly by not eating bread or rice but eventually you can become so fragile and weak- that with just a kick of a dog you can fall over easily. 

When I was into extreme dieting, I had my weak moments where I could not help but give in to the temptation of a chocolate cake or cookies & cream ice flavoured cream. And when I do so, I always feel guilty that I punish myself through a very vigorous workout- that I could no longer stand the next day!  I treated food as the enemy that I no longer enjoyed eating because at the back of my head all I hear is "stop it, you'll be fat!". 

But I realised that since food is primary need for survival, I should not deprive myself if I am hungry. If I love and respect myself I should take care of my body (a dwelling place of my soul) and give it what it needs and not what it always wants. Moderation is key and control must overcome cravings. 

The faster you lose weight, the faster it will come back

Who isn't a procrastinator?  If you are, then you might have tried crash dieting just because you have felt the pressure of getting in shape for an upcoming wedding in 2 weeks or for a summer vacation in the tropics. 

Quick fix solutions like getting into liquid diets will let you achieve short term goals, but sustaining that new weight becomes another problem because you know that you can't stay on a liquid diet forever. So when you decide to come back to your normal calorie intake, you will probably eat a lot more than normal because you were deprived for quite sometime and in effect you will gain back quickly what you have lost. Sometimes even a lot more.

Getting a lean and toned body is simply the result of hard work and commitment. Just the habit of learning to eat healthily and giving up an addiction to junk food takes a significant period of time to master. Taking things slow will make a better impact because once healthy eating and exercise becomes second nature to you, then you will be sexy without much effort. 

Aim for reaching an ideal weight- permanently! 

Of course we want the old Britney back but let's give her a break, realistically washboard abs may not ideal anymore since she already gave birth to two sons.  

Reaching an ideal weight is good but keeping it forever is the real challenge! Few years back my goal was to reach 100 pounds from 106 pounds. When I was able to finally reach it, I was so proud of myself because it came from hardcore discipline. But as years passed by and life got busy, I neglected taking care of my body. 

I ate whatever I wanted because I thought I can easily get rid of the fat I accumulated- if ever weight becomes a problem. I stopped exercising too, so all the muscles I built up a few years back went to waste.

Gaining 10-12 pounds really hit me hard! I figured out what was causing it and now all I want to do is get out of this vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting, which celebrities like Janet Jackson, Britney Spears and Oprah are infamous for.

Oprah just like us she also struggles with maintaining her weight permanently. 

Mischa Barton, a serial yo-yo dieter in different sizes in 2006, 2008 and 2009. 

No one is ever going to convince me to eat moderately and exercise regularly but myself. If things got of control, I absolutely cannot afford a personal trainer to get me back into shape at the snap of my finger. So now, I must think of finding a permanent solution to yo-yo dieting. And that is to reset my goal into having a healthy and active lifestyle instead of just fitting into my jeans in the next month or so- which in fact is just one of the many good results of living a healthy lifestyle. 

Perhaps the first step I am planning to take is to integrate an exercise regimen  that I enjoy doing on any given day so it does not become a boring chore.  It may take a few weeks or months to get that rhythm but the important thing is this becomes part of my routine 365 days a year. Motivation wise, I truly am amped up for this.

I think that being fit and healthy says a lot about a person's character. Taking good care of your well-being is not just a personal victory- you can be a beam of light to others. If you are successful in any goal that you have, big or small, it means that you can achieve anything! 

The end result is not what's really vital, whether or not you reach 50% or 99.9% of your ideal weight, but having something to improve on continually adds another purpose to your life. Isn't that what makes us happy? - when we hope for something, go ahead to chase it and enjoy its fruition.  

Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Silly Secret

Do you want to know a secret?

We all have nasty habits or secrets we don't want other people to know so we keep it safe to ourselves. And maybe, just maybe- only a circle of trusted friends knows that quirky side you've been keeping in years.

Deciding what part of yourself you want to share others is not always easy for the fear of being laughed at. I mean, not all people can get you without explaining too much. I bet you'll be called a freak if others find out you like salt too much that you can eat it by itself. But today that's the least of my concerns. 

I am opening a little shop of horrors *$&#* about myself- attempting to be brave. Don't worry, this is not even close to a monologue of exposé I intend on telling a shrink. I just remembered something I used to do, which I'm not sure anyone has ever done or will ever attempt if they're not at all half kooky. All I'm sure of is how silly the idea was. 

I'm dying to let this off my chest and wondering if by any chance someone else is as nuts as me who did something like this: 

The Crush Certificate

A crush certificate was a kind of document I used to prepare and sign to acknowledge that I have had a crush on someone for a period of time. I don't do this anymore but my 11-12 year old self certainly did. This certificate of appreciation was awarded to an exclusive pool of big time crushes I had in the late 90's.  

The most essential feature it had is an issue and expiry date. On every certificate I made for a crush, I have written the exact dates when I started having crushes on them and the exact dreadful day as well when I no longer find them cutest guy ever. Like when I found out that Stephen Gately of Boyzone was gay! 

Stephen Gately of Boyzone,
 one of the firsts who broke my heart.

To make it official, I sign my name on this document legibly as a declaration of 'love'. But I also bring meaning to every declaration by justifying why they are worthy of a Kat's Certificate of Appreciation because for me it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Like I stated reasons (gazillion of them) on what I liked about my crushes, like Nick Carter's serenading voice and charming smile. 

Nick Carter, once the apple of my eye.

I hunt for the best picture I can find in song hits magazines or newspapers and  paste it in this top secret document. So if in case someone blew my cover and found these crush certificates, they can at least give kudos for my taste for cuties. 

I have left behind a stash of these certificates on a well kept suitcase hidden in my room back in my home town. I'm hoping it's still there when I come back so I retrieve it and use it for cheering up myself on occasional bad days. I can't remember on what hooked me into doing that. It's like deciding at any early age I want my heart to be exclusive by dividing my heart into rooms meant only for people I really care about. 

Let me justify that perhaps during that time that's how I perceive adults are like when they are in love: crazy. So I tried to encapsulate a moment in time, through pieces of fine paper and handwritten scribbles of madness on what it felt like to be head-over-heels for the first time. 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Ugly Price of Beauty

To become beautiful, women are willing to do anything, I mean EVERYTHING- from extreme diet fads to going under the knife- just to look like a Hollywood star, say Jessica Alba. But do we really know up to what extent the beauty industry will manipulate or photoshop decent pictures to perfection? 

Truth be told, even the most confident and beautiful person still has insecurities. Society has become so judgmental and less tolerable about women's flaws and imperfection. The evidence lies in the rampant use of airbrushing and cropping techniques to make celebrities lose 10 lbs in a magazine cover. It's not totally wrong if only minor retouches are done, but what happens is a total overhaul. We have been groomed over the years to believe that anything far from perfect is ugly.

Wanted: Sticks and Bones 

The fashion industry is very brutal. Designers are very picky in choosing what type of models they want to use for runway shows or editorial campaigns. Sometimes they can be specific- demanding girls with an edgy look, an androgynous feature or a strong walk. But the bottom-line is you have to be size 0 with a 23 inch waist.

What we see on runway shows are the fashion industry's full blown fantasy. Most of the dresses worn on the runway are extravagant, impractical and over-the-top. It's the kind of clothing  that you would not normally see any person wear in real life. And if you happen to see anyone wear it down the street- you'd think of them as crazy and absurd fashion whores.

(image source: here)

The same analogy applies too for stick thin models wearing designer clothes. Being stick thin may be  normal for fashion experts if you are a model, but never will that body type be considered a model for girls and women to emulate in real life.

Fashion has tweaked our mind that a super skinny body is the most desirable. However, common sense tells us that if you are stick thin it means something is wrong with you. It's either you are gravely sick or starving because of impoverished conditions.

(image source: here)

I see the point why basketball players need to be tall, or why jockeys need to be small- that makes their job easier. Models need to be skinny for aesthetic purposes- I get it,  but why allow the unhealthy looking models work when these girls should be placed in a hospital or rehab centres. 
Skinny vs. Super Skinny

In order to compete against many aspiring models, girls resort to extreme measures to lose more weight. Being skinny is not enough because those tiny (size 0) sample clothes must fit you all the time. Gaining 1-2 pounds or just moving 1 size up may jeopardise your chances of being booked.

The pressure of staying thin over a long period of time can make girls develop eating disorders like Anorexia and Bulimia. Professional models start out as early as 14-16 years old so their bodies are not yet fully developed. But eventually their bodies start to grow, thus, they do whatever it takes to maintain a small frame, and most of the time- they go overboard with dieting.

 Coco Rocha, below, was called 'too fat for the catwalk' 
 ( image source: here)

The Elle Style Awards Model of the Year 2011, Coco Rocha, was labelled last year as too fat to walk the runway at size 4. In response, she opened a can of worms through her tumblr account. She attacked the fashion industry’s obsession with size 0 and questioned the morality behind encouraging young models to lose more weight- when in fact they’re already skinny.  

 (image source: here)

In 2008, this 5’10 beauty was also told that she’s too fat for weighing 108 lbs. And she was advised:
 “You need to lose more weight. The look this year is anorexia. We don't want you to be anorexic but that's what we want you to look like."

Zombies on the Runway

Every girl wants to be a model because you get to wear designer clothes and travel the world. But what upsets me the most is the price young girls are willing to pay in order to reach supermodel status.

Are cocaine, smoking, diet pills and starving the key to fame and fortune? 

What you get quickly will soon vanish before you know it. Sure, healthy eating and working out can take a while before its effect can be noticed, but relying on instant methods will not only destroy one’s body but it will mess up your psyche- crash your self respect.

( image source: here)

Whenever I watch fashion shows all I see are Zombies- minus the blood, but the gore factor is still there! Their hollow face and boney arms speak for themselves: FEED ME! 

Their face is so ghastly and cold- it looks depressing. As a rule of thumb, designers prohibit models to show emotions so the attention goes to the clothes and not the wearer. Well isn’t that quite degrading? It seems that couture clothes are put on a pedestal so high that you have no right to outshine it.

In real life, only the upper class really wear designer clothes because they can afford it. I can't help but notice that the look that most common on rich people’s faces is actually not far with the blank or snobbish expression that models-turned-zombies have. And I want to ask both of them:  “You are lucky, but what’s keeping you miserable?"

Starved to Death 

In recent years, models have died because of complications from eating disorders. A lot of blame has been pointed out to unrealistic body proportions demanded by designers. Since then few groups in the industry have banned skeletal models. But why not make an approach that solves the actual problem? Perhaps increasing the size to a more realistic one, since real women with curves are going to wear it anyway. 

Girls with big dreams have died, I don't know what else will it take for the fashion industry to take accountability and revolutionise the concept of beauty. 

And so here are some models who lost their way and take look closely at the massive transformation after starving themselves:

Ana Carolina Reston

 (image source: here)

(image source: here)
Ana Carolina Reston, 21, died for the most obvious reason- complications from an eating disorder. At her death she weighed 40 kg or 88 lbs at 5’8 tall. Her diet of choice: apple and tomatoes.

 Luisel Ramos 

 (image source: here)

 (image source: here)
Luisel Ramos, 21, died from a heart attack after stepping out of a runway show. Her diet of choice: lettuce leaves and diet coke. Her younger sister, Eliana Ramos, 18, also died a month before her death after suffering from the same condition.

Not One Size Fits All 

There may be standards of beauty sealed by those who call themselves 'experts' but at the end of the day what makes you beautiful is not because you fit into sizes 0-4. What we see on the runway are unrealistic expectations of how a modern woman should look. A real woman knows how to take care of herself- eats a balance diet and exercises regularly. She is empowered to make good decisions. And most of all she would not in any way harm her body just to satisfy other people's perception of beauty.