Friday, March 23, 2012

Sad but true

I almost forgot how its like to be happy, genuinely happy. At my best, I was living beyond plain existence. What I am was less important to what I was doing.

 But now, as I stare at the mirror, I couldn't recognise myself, who that person is. What am I becoming? What am I now? What was I before? Felt something was lost in between.

 As if my tears knew the perfect cue,  it rushed down like water from a dam. I've been holding back for so damn long.

I am wrong. Honesty's not gentle-- its brutal.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Rafa, I believe in you!

Rafa being Rafa

I am feeling sick in my stomach. Seriously constipated. Is this really how you're supposed to feel when your favourite tennis player reach a Grand Slam Final? 

My heart and mind is battling over another Rafole showdown in this Australian Open 2012 Men's Final. Who'll win? Heart says Rafa and logic says the Djoker.  And why do I care so much over two men blasting a ball inside the lines of a rectangular box??  (that's another heart-to-heart conversation) 

Well, no one is betting against the Djoker and I see why-- he's not in human form ( too good, like the computer I'm against when I play Top Spin 4), doesn't get tired and even if he's tired-- he can still win (!!!!)  His desperate shot making is undeniable. But where does that confidence and grit come from? ( Want to know my wildest guess? I think he sold his soul to the devil lol)

I witnessed how this Djoker crushed Rafa for 6 consecutive times in the finals last season. And as a new Rafa fan at that time- it was hell of an initiation! With every loss to this one robot man, I felt the pain is getting harder for me to bear. The pain, I must admit, multiplied with every loss from the Djoker. So will it be 7 times greater after tonight? 

No matter what happens, I know I'd still be rooting for Rafa. My heart tells so. He always makes me feel that I am part of his battles: The fist-pumping for a hard fought winner, the I'm-not-letting-go-every-ball  attitude and all those dying-on-court moments-- always strike me in awe every time I watch him. As a spectator, all  I want to is be moved, be surprised, to believe in the impossible. When Rafa channels his inner Houdini, any thriller movie will lame in comparison.

Rafa constantly reminds me that hard work triumphs over natural talent: stars are made not born. He fought all adversity and prove them all wrong. He's not just a clay courter but learned to dominate other surfaces too. But tonight, more than anything, I hope that he'll carry on the belief  (the last potent ingredient to victor the Djoker) that he can achieve the seemingly impossibly task. He's too good of a fighter and a player not to win this. Rafa knows what to do, for sure ( Tio Toni to the rescue!), but the question is, can he overcome his nerves and nail it on break point or match point? 

Courage, my dear Rafa, courage! 

And so with all bravery (wearing my lucky green and blue combo I wore on his semis match), I shall watch the finals tonight, because I believe in Rafa.